Dear Miss Velvet,
I have told my boyfriend I am interested in BDSM and that I would like for him to do things to me in the bedroom and treat me like a whore. He says he loves me too much to be able to hurt me or treat me as anything other than a lady. How do I convince him to explore this with me?
Signed,
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
You don’t. No is a complete sentence that does not mean “please convince me.” If you have presented your case, and he is not interested in discussing it further, the conversation has come to an end. You must respect his no. The fact you see his disinclination to explore BDSM as an opening gambit for coercion does not bode well for your own participation in activity whose cornerstones are consent, communication, and respect.
Partners who engage in kink put themselves in very vulnerable and sometimes dangerous situations, both physically and emotionally. Submissives need to be able to trust that their dominant will not blow through limits they have set. Dominants need to be able to trust that their submissive will not push them past their comfort level of abilities and desires. By asking how you can convince him of something he has said he does not want, you are demonstrating an attitude that would be unsafe for any potential kink partner.
It is time to find interests and activities that elicit enthusiastic participation from you both. After that, if you find that BDSM is something that you must have with your partner, then he is not the partner for you.
~Miss Velvet Steele