A Question of Pain

By Dear Miss Velvet | November 16, 2021

Dear Miss Velvet, I like to play hard.  When things feel out of my control, I like to choose to give up control.  Recently, I had to end a relationship, which caused me a lot of emotional pain.  Since then, in a scene with my longtime boyfriend, I found I wanted more physical pain than […]

Head Space

By Dear Miss Velvet | July 8, 2021

Head Space Do you recognize when you’re in a headspace? Is there really Top/sub-space? What is “Drop?” Headspace is unique and personal as a person’s laugh; we each experience it differently.  Subspace might feel like being spellbound by sensations to one person, floating on waves of ecstasy for another, falling into a trancelike state for […]

Feeling Safe

By Dear Miss Velvet | July 8, 2021

Feeling Safe Why do I feel safest when I am dominated? This can be a complicated question for many, the answer to which can be found in when you seek out that comfort. Do you seek it out when you feel threatened?  Those who feel powerless in their world sometimes seek out someone they see […]


By Dear Miss Velvet | July 8, 2021

Control I can’t give up my control, it feels like ANYTHING could go wrong and I couldn’t stop it. What’s the worst that could happen?  Seriously.  Focus on what your fear really is and challenge its validity.  What are you afraid of?  If that fear comes true, will it really be so bad?    We […]


By Dear Miss Velvet | July 8, 2021

Bondage Why do people like to be tied up and bound? Bondage is a very personal thing, but many people who enjoy being bound report some common themes.  Some find great comfort in the pressure of the restraints, almost as if they were a comfortable hug or a tightly wrapped blanket.  For those who enjoy […]

Learning to Follow

By Dear Miss Velvet | July 1, 2021

Dear Miss Velvet, I recently started a new power exchange relationship with my Ma’am.  Our connection is very deep and I feel lucky to belong to her.  Though we are both involved in our community, I have more experience from previous power exchange relationships than she does (though this is my first time being on […]

On Primal Play

By Dear Miss Velvet | June 24, 2021

Some friends did a demo for Primal Night at a local dungeon last night.  Though it is something that seems to have grown in popularity of late, it is truthfully not one I’ve really paid a lot of attention to.  You know that BDSM test everyone takes at some point?  I might have scored above […]

Pandemic Fatigue

By Dear Miss Velvet | May 1, 2021

Dear Miss Velvet, Like so many others, this pandemic is causing me bouts of emotional turmoil.  Between sustained unemployment and financial instability, home responsibilities, PE relationship expectations, and community involvement, I’m having a difficult time processing all the “things” that are expected of me.  How do I regroup in order to be a better leader, […]

Desperately Seeking Subspace

By Dear Miss Velvet | March 1, 2021

Dear Miss Velvet, I am having difficulty getting my sub into subspace. A history of parental abuse means impact doesn’t do much for him, so I tend to avoid it. Wax play takes him to the brink, but I can’t seem to get him over the edge, and it’s driving me nuts!  Any thoughts on […]

Privacy or Secrets?

By Dear Miss Velvet | January 1, 2021

Dear Miss Velvet, I am a cis-het woman in a relationship with a man for about a year.  Our sex life has never been ideal, but of late, it has been pretty much nonexistent.  A friend of mine recently happened upon my partner’s secret account on Fet.  When I asked about it, he told me […]

Scroll to Top