Dear Miss Velvet,
My Dom and I have been in a romantic relationship for quite some time, but we're also VERY kinky and experienced. However the romantic/main part of our relationship is just monogamous. But, recently I've discovered that the fantasy of him doing someone else is turning me on. Me tied up, maybe edged, completely helpless and humiliated, watching my bf (who's very attractive) do someone, not only the kinky humiliation helpless part of it, it would also look really hot, bc that's just him.
I cannot stop fantasizing about this, but I don't think my jealousy could handle it. I thought seeing him flirt/kiss another woman would be fine, but she would also have to be chosen by me (so I could make sure she's not too pretty yk), however I'm not sure if this is a good idea.
Is there a name for this kink? This is (similar to) cuckolding, right?
Signed,
On the Fence
Dear Fence,
What you are describing is called Cuckqueaning. Similar to cuckolding, it is a paraphilia where a woman is aware of and derives sexual pleasure from her partner’s outside sexual conquests. It sounds like humiliation is an integral part of your cuckquean fantasy, and perhaps your jealousy is, as well. For many of us, part of the appeal of our kinks is the discomfort of our desires.
One element I notice in your description is that the woman you describe is merely a prop for your fantasy, less attractive than you and available as a tool to humiliate you and turn you on. Before you ever consider experiencing this fantasy in real life, please get real clear that this would be a human with needs and feelings of her own. Having said that, you are a lot of soul searching and conversations away from making this fantasy a reality.
First, open a conversation with your Dom about whether or not this is a type of play that would interest him, including why or why not. Maybe check out some cuckquean porn to see if watching it together excites you or scares you (in a bad way). If you all are on the same page and want to proceed, then you can begin taking some creative baby steps in that direction.
Start with some role playing to simulate the situation. Perhaps you pretend as if he has been with another woman; he can tell you the details and maybe include things like a whiff of a scent you don’t wear or a pair of panties hidden discreetly. Another idea could be that you play the role of the other woman, telling him how you will do things his partner won’t, leaving scratches on his back or bruises on his skin for “her” to find. Maybe have him tie you up and have you watch as he pleasures himself while he watches porn of a woman he finds attractive or “talks” to his lover on the phone.
If and when you are ready to go further, get creative. Sex workers could provide a gateway into this world for you. Find an onlyfans where they could personalize content for your boyfriend. Hire someone to flirt with your boyfriend, where you know you are taking him home in the end. Have them control a toy so there is no physical contact, but you begin to have a sense of what it would feel like to have someone else involved. Go to a strip club, and watch him receive a lap dance.
Every step of the way, check in with yourself and with each other. Be committed to being okay with either one of you pulling the plug for any reason, even before you start. It is okay to recognize that for many of us, some fantasies are best left in the fantasy realm.
~Miss Velvet Steele