Dear Miss Velvet,
I work in a high-pressure environment where I am required to be decisive and attentive to ongoing project management. In my private life, I identify as a Domme-leaning switch; I love being the Dominant and telling my partner what to do. It is an important part of our dynamic as well as being personally gratifying. When I come home from work, however, I struggle to find the energy to tell my partner what I want. I find myself wishing they would take the lead and putting myself in a submissive position, which is unfulfilling for me and makes me feel like a lousy Domme. How do I find the energy for Domme space?
Signed,
Tired Domme
Dear Tired,
Many people have difficulty transitioning from the work day to private life, and oftentimes people will have practices that ease that transition. These might include a period of quiet, changing into comfy clothes, or turning on the tv. Many of these practices develop organically as folks find something that soothes them and carries them away from work and into being home.
In a power exchange relationship, these transitions can be approached with planning and intention by managing them with protocols and rituals. Protocols codify expected behavior, while rituals will strengthen the exchange of power. They have the effect of helping both the Dominant and the submissive shed their worldly roles and settle into their chosen roles together, as well as reestablishing their connection.
It sounds as though you want some time after work where your submissive cares for you. Think about what that might look like for you. Talk about it with your submissive; they might have ideas you have not thought of. Then take that information to design a protocol for your arrival home after work, one that feeds both of your needs - yours for an escape from decision fatigue and theirs for you to still be guiding them. A protocol might include how they are to greet you or a service they are to provide for you. Consider including a ritual that will highlight and formalize your roles. For instance, they might pledge their devotion to you or you might affirm your commitment to taking care of them.
Once you have decided on a protocol and/or a ritual, try it for a while. Don’t be afraid to tweak it if it isn’t quite working for you. Continue to make adjustments until it feels right, and make changes down the road if things begin to feel stale. Set aside some time periodically to check in on how your protocols and rituals are serving you both. It may not always be easy to stick to them - life has a way of getting in the way. But committing to them will help ease those transitions and strengthen your dynamic.
~Miss Velvet