Dear Miss Velvet,
I’m currently in a great D/s relationship with my partner, and it’s been a definite learning experience. We have gotten to know each other and ourselves, in terms of what each of us likes; however, I struggle to remain dominant while getting fucked. All is good until the moment of insertion, after which every part of me just wants to turn my brain off and get railed. I have difficulty maintaining the conscious line of thought and action I need in order to actually be dominant. I have found riding him helps, though it hurts my knees too much to keep doing for long, because my mind is busy thinking about my technique and how to increase his enjoyment. So how do you stay in a dominant mindset while actually getting plowed?
Signed,
Dommely Struggle
Dear Domme,
If you are enjoying "getting plowed," how is that a slippage of your dominant mindset? Can you reframe it in such a way that he is providing you pleasure as you have commanded? What better way to use your submissive than for your carnal satisfaction? For many s-types, it is a pleasure and a privilege to be able to provide a place for their d-types to turn their brains off. They are happy to get provide their attentions and talents for your benefit. It is a win/win where you receive sexual delight and he gets to provide intimate service. If he performs well, you get to fly to the moon and leave your burden behind for a bit. When you come back to earth, give some verbal feedback - be that praise or degradation depending on what works for him - to encourage this sort of service and to reaffirm your power exchange.
~Miss Velvet Steele