Dear Miss Velvet,
My significant other/submissive and I are into aggressive kinks - think heavy restraints, impact, etc. Recently, she has told me she has a praise kink, which feels like a softer, more loving, and appreciative approach to my dominance. It appears to be something she is really into, so I want to learn as much as I can about it and solidify it into our relationship. I have looked online and only found phrases to say. I thought there was more to it than that. Any recommendations for how to practice it?
Signed,
Looking for a Turn of Phrase
Dear Looking,
How wonderful that your submissive is able to clearly express her needs and desires, and how lovely you have listened and intend to act on them. Similar to a humiliation or degradation kink, fulfilling a praise kink is unique to each person practicing it. What others tend to love to hear, might leave her with a,”meh.” Similarly, things you would never think of might be just the perfect thing for her.
Spend some time talking about how she envisions this praise kink working for her. Are there specific words or phrases she would like to hear? Does she want generalized praise (think, “you’re such a good girl”) or something more specific (think, “you did xyz so well”)? Does she crave your approval or your appreciation or your recognition of something about her? Find out the best compliment she’s ever received, as well as the one she hasn’t but wishes she had. In other words, get into her head to find out what sorts of praise will tickle those soft spots.
Praise does not need to be limited to playtime. Just as different kinds of play invite different words of praise, everyday life is rife with opportunities to let her know you see her and appreciate her. “You fix my coffee perfectly every time,” could put a spring in her step first thing in the morning, even when play is a long way off for the day or week. What else does she do that brings a smile to her face,impresses you, or makes your chest swell with pride? Remember those things for when she needs a pick-me-up or even just when you feel like it.
Keep in mind that flooding her with praise will lessen its impact. For it to be effective, it should be intermittent, sincere, and truly earned. In the end, seeing all the things you can praise her for will keep you looking for the positive in her and enrich your dynamic while fulfilling her needs.
~Miss Velvet