Dear Miss Velvet,
My partner and I met online through a power exchange forum. We slowly developed an online dynamic, which eventually morphed into a satisfying real-life 24/7 dynamic in which we blended our families and our lives. Over the past few years as “life happened,” we put our dynamic on hold while we raised kids and started a business where we are equal partners. Now that the kids are grown and our business is established, how do we get back into our dynamic and rekindle what has been on hold for many years?
Signed,
Paradise Lost
Dear Lost,
An important question to consider is if you all are both on the same page about wanting to renew your dynamic. Additionally, you frame this as a rekindling of what was, but perhaps it would be useful to look at it as a brand new negotiation informed by information you already have about one another. That way, rather than trying to fit your new selves into an old dynamic, you can build something new together that meets your current circumstances, needs, and desires.
What do you miss about the power exchange you had? You may find with more life experience, you are able to conceive of new avenues to get there. What no longer resonates for you? You don’t have to put those things back on the table as possibilities. What is feasible given your current situation? What new things have you discovered that interest you? What feeds you about the relationship you currently have? Really do some soul-searching to figure out what you each want out of this new arrangement, then you can sit down together to begin to discuss what that might look like.
Ease into your dynamic slowly. Were play and sex part of your previous power exchange? Gradually incorporating that back into how you engage with each other might be a gateway back to where you want to be, not to mention a great way to take advantage of an empty nest.
One other element you might consider adding is flirtation. Back when you were chatting online, I am sure there was a lot of titillating and suggestive conversation. If that is something you could fold back into your relationship, it might help to get you back in a frame of mind where you look at each other as play partners rather than just nesting partners. If you find it falls flat for now, put it on the back burner and try again later.
Whether you design a new dynamic or decide to simply reimagine your relationship, keep in mind that it will take some time and intentionality to change the patterns and thought processes you all have built up over time. Patience and open, respectful communication will be important in your new adventure.
~Miss Velvet Steele