Dear Miss Velvet,
I am a relatively new Master with a slave of two years. I have always guided them with a loose rein, as I feel they are a capable person with good judgment. In the last few months, they have begun a relationship with a person who is high-spirited, attractive, reactive, and who has a less than stellar reputation in our community. They tend to react disproportionally to mistreatment, real or imagined, and is vindictive in the wake of broken relationships. I told my slave I had concerns that when and if it ended with them, it would end badly, and I cautioned him that the new person is both needy and confrontational and that it would be a bumpy road.
This particular person has expressed interest in me since I first met them, at times making aggressive overtures which I have had difficulty declining gracefully. The three of us spent an evening together, and because they live far away, I suggested they stay the night. The long and short of that is, I made a misguided decision, and the three of us ended up in bed together. That was the first of several times, and I now find myself in an unintended triad with a person I find sexually exciting but emotionally dangerous and potentially damaging to my slave’s and my reputations. How do I extricate myself from this, preferably with my slave in tow, and then how do I protect us from future problematic entanglements?
Signed,
Looking for the Exit
Dear Looking for the Exit,
I think there are a few things going on here, all of which you need to face and address in order to adjust your situation to one where you are more comfortable. First, you have landed in a complicated poly relationship with a volatile and unpredictable person, one that is enmeshed with your anchor relationship that you want to preserve and protect. Disentangling them is probably first on your agenda so that both do not implode simultaneously. To do this, you need to have a conversation where you step away from the burgeoning triad and separate those relationships.
Secondly, you are falling into the trap of making decisions on the fly, allowing your hormones and endorphins to lead you rather than your head. Spend some time alone considering whether or not you want to have a physically intimate relationship with this new person. It’s also important to consider how close you are willing to be to them emotionally. Once you have made these decisions, do not deviate from them when temptation is high, just as you would not deviate from negotiated limits in a scene.
Lastly, you need a plan for moving forward that minimizes damage to your reputation while maintaining your integrity. I believe honesty is always the best policy, except when it isn’t. I don’t believe that telling this person you made a mistake in getting involved with them will go well for any of you; they will be hurt, and you - potentially both of you - will become the target of a campaign of ill-will. Try to focus on feelings that they did not cause - feeling overwhelmed, feeling unable to meet their needs, needing to focus on other relationships - as well as managing their expectations about what sort of relationship you want with them going forward. If there is fallout despite your best efforts, hold your head high and ride out the storm as best you can. If, as you say, they already have a damaged reputation, few will believe whatever misbehavior they lay at your feet. The upside of that would be that the relationship would be well and truly ended.
It sounds as though you began this misadventure using your head but not exercising your right of ownership for the good of your slave. In the future, you should take your role as the in charge person more seriously and heed your own misgivings. Your slave is a grown person, not a child who needs to learn from their mistakes. They are willing to follow your lead. So lead.
~Miss Velvet Steele