Dear Miss Velvet,
I have two submissives in negotiated dynamics with whom I spend most of my time. They call me Lord. I also enjoy more casual play, and I have a few play partners who bottom for me from time to time. We all spend time together occasionally, and a couple of my bottoms have started copying my subs and calling me Lord, as well. I think it’s sweet, and the honorific appeals to me; but my subs are boundlessly upset, believing they have sole custody of the word. Should I bend to the will of my subs and ask my play partners to call me something else, or should I allow my bottoms to continue to use the honorific that speaks to them?
Sir with Sub Trouble
Dear Sir with Sub Trouble,
Does anyone have exclusive rights to an honorific? On the face of it, I would say no, but it’s a more nuanced question. You say you are in negotiated dynamics with your submissives. That means they are following your rules and putting in work - physical, emotional, and probably spiritual - to live up to your expectations and meet your desires. For them, the name Lord has a deep meaning. Using that honorific is a privilege they feel that they have earned by acting with reverence and obedience towards you all the time (not just when you play) .
Your play partners hold a different spot in your life. They can step into the role of submitting to you for a period of time, but then go on about their merry way, living their lives by their own rules. Calling you Lord enhances the experience, setting your relationship apart from others in their lives, like a special nickname. It does not carry the same gravitas or indication of intentional submission as it does when used by your submissives.
With their commitment, your submissives have reason to believe that they should hold a special status in your life. Whether you honor their request to limit the names your play partners use for you is, of course, solely up to you. However you ignore their pleas at your own peril. I encourage you to show your dedication to them by being a dominant who takes care of his submissives. Find a different name for your play partners to use.
~Miss Velvet Steele